Becoming the House that God Built

Story reflections of home, boundaries, and self-respect

Earlier this year, I moved to the beach and into a new home with the sweetest, calmest, and most protective energy. As soon as I walked in for the first time, it felt like me. It simply already felt like my own energy—a true frequency match! I didn’t need to perform or shrink or expand or contort to fit, it just did. And it felt really good after the chaos of my previous home (keep reading!)

Our homes reflect our root energy, which is the energy center that is most out of balance and stagnant with undigested wounding in our collective—a disconnect from love and stability due to generations of fear, trauma, and separation from the Mother.

This disconnect creates colonized states of masculinity and wounded providership, which manifest in our homes, work, and finances (all the control, insecurity, and scarcity one experiences). We all have subtle mental decolonizing work to do in order to experience the true safety and peace of Divine Union.

I find my homes to be the most significant reflections of this energy and catalysts of the foundational healing from which I create my life, so I wanted to share the most recent story of home alchemy with you all. If you are focused on inner child healing, have trouble feeling true belonging, peace, foundational trust, experience disconnect from your roots, or live in a home that doesn’t feel like a match for you, I hope this piece supports!

When I moved to L.A. a year ago, I chose to land in the mountains, which I thought would be the most relaxing, peaceful, and aligned place for a sensitive, nature-loving, calm and peace anchoring woman like me. I was so hungry for California after the isolation and initiations of the high desert that I didn’t give myself space to feel it out. I quickly signed a lease on a very expensive, highly coveted rental before even seeing the place. I later realized I was way off in this choice and was completely missing what I truly needed and soulfully desired to create the right conditions to grow and bloom into the direction I was being called into. It just wasn’t a frequency match, and it triggered deeper feelings of unbelonging as I didn't feel that resonance I was hoping for, only tension.

You can think of our homes as the soil/foundation in which our seeds take root, much like our bodies. We need to be in the right environments for our lives to thrive, just like any plant or creature of nature. And as we expand, like a house plant, we may need to be re-potted so we can continue to grow. Foundationally, our homes need those same energetics of fertility that our bodies/spirits/relationships/all of life need in order to be a fertile place to grow. Does the home feel healthy (Why do so many homes have mold and get built with toxic materials😩)? Does it bring you pleasure and joy? Can you be receptive there (the nervous system needs to be at ease where you are to be fully receptive—can you relax in your home?) And does it nourish you/provide nourishment? These are all key things to consider when choosing a home (or partner, relationships, jobs, etc) but sometimes we don’t always know the answers to these things until we experience the energy of a place.

About two weeks after I moved into my well-lit, gorgeous, and costly Topanga dwelling, noisy jackhammering and construction began as the pool on the grounds (right outside my window) had a leak that required repair. This construction lasted weeks, making the pool unusable all summer—though the frogs quickly made it their home. Their briefly run chorus would be the highlight of my stay, relaxing my nervous system in the night that was rattled by the noise of the day that summer. This wild noise disrupted many of my online calls, recordings, and my overall ability to peacefully rest in the sanctuary I thought I had chosen for myself. 

Just because something appears beautiful, charming, seems great, looks good on the surface, etc, doesn't mean it is correct for you. This is where our feminine values and soul desires come in to steer us in the right direction over our ego values and superficial hunger. And this takes being really honest with yourself to honor.

About a month after moving into this home, I began to experience the wildest ant infestation I had ever seen (and I grew up in the swamp!) that didn't let up, even in the winter. I keep my home very clean and clear, but the ants still came no matter what I did. I spent every morning cleaning up these ants. A morning routine that cut into my time for my devotional practices. I started many of my days in a frustrated frenzy instead of the peaceful, slow mornings I love and naturally cultivate when my space is clear. 

Then, about six weeks after I moved in, dead bees started to show up on my roof and eventually inside my home (with no windows or doors open), sometimes finding two bees a day, all coming from the love/relationships corner of the house (a Feng Shui reference—important to note for later). No matter what I did, this never stopped. I caulked the cracks in the walls and made offerings to the bees, but they still showed up. Their visitations were potent, bringing me the roadmap for my Art of Conjuring container and initiating me into great change. But they brought a lot of reflections on feminine grief and oppression, showing me how many of my relationship choices were depleting my creative force and keeping me stuck in old patterns. The ants reflected this, too. I became aware that I was spending much of my time cleaning up other people's energy in my personal life, which I unconsciously took responsibility for, instead of cultivating and protecting my peace and true nature. 

About three months after I moved in, it was the first time my house flooded. I woke up to a stream of water across the entire downstairs story. The next rains brought more and more water coming from the upstairs closet (again, the love/relationships corner) along with the downstairs. And every time it rained, which was a crazy amount this last year, more water came in, eventually leading to some mold growing. Once the mold arrived, it triggered my lungs (my most energetically sensitive body part and barometer of Truth, always showing me when and where I am not in my most whole, most liberated expression of my heart).