The Forgotten Nectar
Feminine pleasure, bee priestesses, the depleted woman, the cancer full moon, and lost ancient wisdom.
[Bee friend on film, New Zealand 2019]
There has been a massive decline in the population of bees in modern times, which also mirrors the decline in fertility and the increase in autoimmune dis-eases and depression among women. When I zoom out and look at society from the perspective of a hive, I see a machine extracting all the honey for profit, leaving very little left to feed the feminine responsible for birthing the light and bridging the heavens to this world. As a result, we have a depleted earth, a decline in bees, and burnt-out, hungry, angry, and depleted women, desperately seeking the nectar of life.
Any beekeeper or bee priestess knows keeping the hive happy to produce honey is essential. An unhappy hive = chaos and zero honey (the food of the Gods, the bringer of the muses, and the truth-telling serum for the oracle) for anyone. They know that if you harvest too much honey from the hive, the bees will swarm, reacting in a fury at being deprived of their sacred nectar and life force. I reflect this to the happiness and pleasure, or lack thereof, of a woman. When you take too much from her, too much of her sacred golden honey, without feeding her in return or uplifting her to the heavens she comes from, she will react, create chaos, and become confused about her purpose.
Like the bee, when you deprive her of her needs and desires, she loses her life force and connection to creation. The issue is we live in a timeline that reinforces that a woman will be rejected, denied, or abandoned if she expresses a need, honours a desire, centers her pleasure, or cultivates her honey for herself. When a woman centers her pleasure, she is often projected on as selfish, needy, or entitled, but without the centering of her pleasure, the family/community/people she weaves life with be separate from the divine source of light for which her pleasure is the bridge.
The bees are connected to every goddess of all time. So many goddesses, oracles, and ancient priestesses were called "Melissae" or "bee" or have bees depicted next to them. The ancient Delphic Bees,aka the oracles of Delphi, worked intimately with honey as it was honey that inspired the voice of God within them. They knew that the sweet holiness of this nectar tuned their antennas to channel the heavens. Just like the hive centers around the creation of honey, all the ancient mystery schools of the goddess once centered around feminine pleasure being the foundational source of all life. Mary Magdalene was an initiate of the Sex Cult of Isis, the goddess of magic and fertility. In order to help Yeshua (Jesus) ascend through death to create a bridge of light for humanity, she spent years training in the art of self-cultivation so she would remain in her light, power, sovereignty, and pleasure while devoting herself to service. Mother Mary had the same path, which led her to behold and birth Christ consciousness, as only a sovereign, vestal virgin could birth the light of god.
I often think about how much this concept of pleasure as divinity as the recipe for birth is lost on the modern woman as they step into the role of healer and mother. We are conditioned to work hard, hustle, produce life, tend to that life, care for everyone around us, and be satisfied that we are surviving but never thriving. I don't know about you, but I am a hungry woman who will never be satisfied with life's superficial, material expressions. I've built a life everyone reflected to me was so beautiful and ideal, but like the hives across the world, I was dying inside. Life is not living if your well of honey is empty, no matter how nice your life looks superficially. And how is the honey created? Through pleasure. And not quick dopamine hits of pleasure that trick your brain into thinking it's living (i.e., social media, substances, shopping, sugar, unconscious consumption, even sex on some occasions) but deep, rich, wild, passionate pleasure. The kind of pleasure you get from laughing with soul friends all night, holding your child, dancing at sunrise, making love with a soul mate, singing to the moon, and massaging sacred plant oils onto your skin by candlelight. The kind of pleasure that comes from smelling the first garden rose of the season, being in a group of supportive, loving women, connecting deeply with one another, and diving head first into the sea. It is a pleasure that awakens the senses and, as a result, the divinity within you. No quick hit can ever do that, but once you taste the holiness of the true nectar of life, nothing less will satisfy you.
I often reflect on how much easier it was for me to cultivate pleasure before I lost a baby. Before I felt death through all my cells and womb without pleasure to assist me in birthing the life I desire. Before I claimed responsibility for others who needed me to feed them. Before I became a mother (a queen bee). Before then, when I was in maiden, I travelled all around the world by myself, fueled by wonder, passion, and pleasure. I slept alone in the desert, lived in camper vans, soaked naked in hot springs, swam with sea turtles, went scuba diving in Thailand, and laughed with friends from New Zealand to Italy. I lunched on sunlight and made art under the moonlight. I wrote poetry, always carried around a film camera, and worked with clients worldwide in service to the feminine flame. I danced joyfully often as if my life depended on it (it does) and stayed up late with creative inspiration until I was so satisfied by the pleasure of life that I went to bed to do it all over again. I dressed in colorful clothing, dyed my hair every shade of pink and purple, and sang Stevie Nicks at the top of my lungs, even if I was told my whole life I couldn't sing. I didn't care; singing set my heart free. I carried this passion for life into my sessions with clients, helping other women unleash and reclaim their passion, desires, dreams, purpose, ancient wisdom, oracular medicine, and Truth, to clear the imprints of sacrifice or settling, free their will, and make courageous choices that aligned with their soul's calling.
But when I was initiated into Mother, and throne into the center of the hive (which corresponded to becoming much more public in my career), I began to see reflections all around me telling me a mother cannot be supported, have needs, or big desires. When she does, she is projected as the "bad" mother, the version of the mother that carries all of society's wounds. The mother is expected to nourish and provide all the nectar for the whole, but the mother has also been separated, abused, and neglected, carrying the weight of all of humanities wounds, in a system that denies, manipulates, and shames her pleasures. As a woman who is here to powerfully serve her hive and create nectar for humanity, letting go of my pleasures to be accepted by and belong to the patriarchal web turned me into a sick, depressed, and depleted woman, disconnected from the flame of passion that fuels her life, and it has taken me years to recover. I am still very much in my self-cultivation era. I dove into all the supplements, holistic practices, and bodyworkers back then to support me when I was physically sick, but the thing that healed me was removing myself from a life that depleted all my honey, and instead started centering my pleasure. And though it takes daily devotion, I will never decenter my pleasure again, or else I will never have the fuel to serve my community, or magnetize what I need to thrive from the juicy, sticky golden nectar that must ooze from me.
Women grow up hungry and malnourished as feminine desire and pleasure; the fire of creation and source of life is snuffed out by patriarchal controls, limitations, fears, and an overall repressive culture that tames a woman out of her wild. In order to liberate our creative energy and rebuild the hive (saving the bees as a result) we must recognize that pleasure is the fuel that feeds the feminine hunger that will satiate us so that we can be the creators of our lives. It is the wick begging to be lit within that lights the torch of passion, purpose, and holy service that pulses through the belly of a woman. It is at the root of all. Without it, there is nothing.
As we approach this Cancer full moon in Capricorn season, we are being met with these themes: The role of the mother, our mother wounds, and the patriarchal timelines that extract and deny our honey (food for our divinity). We must remember that the hive is a community of sisters in devotion to the mother, the goddess. Together, these sisters scout for flowers, gather pollen, build and repair the hive, and feed one another in order to create their holy nectar and serve humanity. Honey is the fuel for the oracles, the priestesses, the healers, mothers, artists, and without it, we suffer under the reign of the old patriatchal paradigm. We loose not just ourselves, but our connection to our creative power and eachother. And as a result, we are unable to birth what we came here to birth. We are unable to create a world that centers to mother once again.
Many of you who follow me on Instagram have probably seen how many dead bees have mysteriously (and divinely) shown up on my doorstep and inside my home in the last six months. The bees have spoken to me my whole life, but the messages became louder and bolder this year. My walk with the bees has led me to create a new group apprenticeship program for an intimate honey hive of women I am calling forth to resurrect the nectar of life. There are ancient keys to cultivating divine pleasure, and thus magnetizing a life of pleasure that resources you to serve and walk your soul's purpose, and I want to share these keys together in a community of women so we may support one another to thrive in our feminine experience as we create our dreams. Because your dreams, desires, and creations need the proper resources to land and be held. These are things that will be deeply connecting to within The Art of Conjuring. I will open enrollment for those on the waitlist with this Cancer full moon and will start sharing publicly to all with the Capricorn new moon (The program begins February 1st). Space is limited to keep the hive intimate, but I can't wait to be in this sacred temple of remembrance, replenishment, and resurrection of the holy nectar of life with you all.
With love and devotion,
Ash
Whew. Feeling this deeply. Also currently reading The Magdalene Manuscript 🐍